you have the right to remain relaxed

If we grade on a curve, I'm probably no more paranoid than the average human. OK, maybe a little more paranoid. (What are you looking at, exactly?) I was reminded of this point, the paranoid ranking index, yesterday morning when I was stopped by the POLICE for speeding on a little country-type road that I take to the internet factory. I was only going 45 in a 35, so it's not like I was crazy speeding, or careening, or naked and high on PCP, throwing my clothes out the window, screaming about JESUS. I was only marginally breaking the law on a beautiful summer morning. If you were to listen closely, you could hear bluebirds. (chirp.) After I saw the cruiser parked by the side of the road, it was too late, but I still tried to brake ever-so-slowly in an attempt to say (visually represent): "ok, I was a little bad, but hey, look at me now" ... but that seldom works and this morning was no time for exceptions. Blue lights. Sirens. I pull over. Paranoia. As the officer approached THE VEHICLE I started to look around in the glove compartment for my registration. That's where it usually is, and that's where it eventually was, but there was a frozen moment in time where I could sense the whole scene begin to unravel. How long before they began DNA matching. I'd have no choice but to LAYWER UP. Yes, I'm nuts. But I don't think it's against the law. Anyway, the copy was really pleasant. Any more pleasant and he would have been whistling. He takes my license and registration and goes back the cruiser to do whatever they do. Another paranoia spike. OK, so this is when it will happen. It happens all the time. Why not now? Mistaken identity. Identity theft. Court TV. Jailhouse memoirs. But no. He just gave me a warning. A warning, can you believe it? I don't think I've ever got a warning. He says, "we're out here giving out warnings today ... the ticket would have been 150 bucks, but you can use money and put it in your tank ... have a nice day." So there you have it. An extremely cordial run-in with the law. I gotta stop being so crazy/paranoid. (And you gotta stop staring at me. I'm serious.)